What is it that Allah is trying to teach me from this?
Alhamdulillah.
I am grateful for today.
I am grateful that I made myself watched Aida's video.
The class that she broadcast for her subscribers is on how to be positive and she made me realized where I am at this moment. She was doing a comparison on having a victim mentality and a believer mentality.
I was there. At that victim mentality. I blamed everything on everyone. I didn't take any responsibility on my own emotions and well-being. I blamed it on other people. And Aida said something that made me feel heard. She said sure that someone is to blame for everything but we ourselves have the power to control our own self. Instead of asking Allah why is this happening to me, we should have asked what is it that Allah is trying to teach me from this. I have heard of this but I never really take the time to actually think it through.
and when I did.
I never felt more relieved and secured.
SO.
What is it that Allah is trying to teach me from this break-up with my dearly beloved KN?
1. To depend on Him and only Him because no matter how many times I've told my woes and sadness to other people around me, I never did find comfort in any of it. So I thought that I should find the comfort in the person who did this to me so then everything will be better. Boy, I was definitely wrong. The more I did, the more my relationship with him became worst.
2. Always have Allah in any relationship you have with other people. To be honest, I started the whole relationship with Allah in mind because I do want to know if this guy I am dating is the one for me because I don't want to pour all my efforts to the person who is not. Alhamdulillah , the answer to my istikharah was a good sign. So I went into the relationship. I was too confident in it. I was so confident that this is it and nothing can stop us from getting married. Slowly day by day I started to lose Allah. From being able to sujood for being thankful, to doing things that are against His decree, to sometimes being fine not doing my 5 prayers. Due to that, my relationship with the the person I wanted Allah to bless with, turned upside down.
3. This breakup was not a punishment. I used to think it was. I used to think that because of point no.2, Allah wants to punish me, so He took away the most important person in my life. But to tell you the truth, if it weren't for the break up, I would not find Allah in the first place. I would have not been where I am and I am so so so so grateful for it. It's really a blessing.
4. Allah is there and here. Have faith in Him in everything. I used to think that Allah didn't answer my prayers. I used to think that I have tried everything so why things are always the same? What I've completely forgotten is that I did all of it by my own, without Allah. I was scared that everything is going to spiral down and I believed in it. I didn't believe in Allah will help me through it. I never did. I tried to exercise myself to have faith in Him going through this. InsyaAllah, everything will be fine.
5. To let Allah in. Honestly, this is the only time in my life where I've spoken to Him the most. Although it's not enough and He deserves more than this but Alhamdulillah, I feel calmer whenever I talked to him about my feelings. I asked Allah to make me have closure with KN and to my surprised, just right after I talked to Allah about it, he replied my text and we talked it out. Although after that things just got worst. Me being me, making mistakes. But Allah heard me, so letting him in was the best decision.
6. That I am a strong. I think I have forgotten how strong I was. So through this break-up, Allah wants to show me that I can stand on my own. I can go through this. I will be fine.
So as of today, I am feeling very grateful.
Thank you for being here with me Allah.
Thank you for not leaving me even when I did.
=)
p/s: it feels like I have a new lover now. teehe~ <3
I am grateful for today.
I am grateful that I made myself watched Aida's video.
The class that she broadcast for her subscribers is on how to be positive and she made me realized where I am at this moment. She was doing a comparison on having a victim mentality and a believer mentality.
I was there. At that victim mentality. I blamed everything on everyone. I didn't take any responsibility on my own emotions and well-being. I blamed it on other people. And Aida said something that made me feel heard. She said sure that someone is to blame for everything but we ourselves have the power to control our own self. Instead of asking Allah why is this happening to me, we should have asked what is it that Allah is trying to teach me from this. I have heard of this but I never really take the time to actually think it through.
and when I did.
I never felt more relieved and secured.
SO.
What is it that Allah is trying to teach me from this break-up with my dearly beloved KN?
1. To depend on Him and only Him because no matter how many times I've told my woes and sadness to other people around me, I never did find comfort in any of it. So I thought that I should find the comfort in the person who did this to me so then everything will be better. Boy, I was definitely wrong. The more I did, the more my relationship with him became worst.
2. Always have Allah in any relationship you have with other people. To be honest, I started the whole relationship with Allah in mind because I do want to know if this guy I am dating is the one for me because I don't want to pour all my efforts to the person who is not. Alhamdulillah , the answer to my istikharah was a good sign. So I went into the relationship. I was too confident in it. I was so confident that this is it and nothing can stop us from getting married. Slowly day by day I started to lose Allah. From being able to sujood for being thankful, to doing things that are against His decree, to sometimes being fine not doing my 5 prayers. Due to that, my relationship with the the person I wanted Allah to bless with, turned upside down.
3. This breakup was not a punishment. I used to think it was. I used to think that because of point no.2, Allah wants to punish me, so He took away the most important person in my life. But to tell you the truth, if it weren't for the break up, I would not find Allah in the first place. I would have not been where I am and I am so so so so grateful for it. It's really a blessing.
4. Allah is there and here. Have faith in Him in everything. I used to think that Allah didn't answer my prayers. I used to think that I have tried everything so why things are always the same? What I've completely forgotten is that I did all of it by my own, without Allah. I was scared that everything is going to spiral down and I believed in it. I didn't believe in Allah will help me through it. I never did. I tried to exercise myself to have faith in Him going through this. InsyaAllah, everything will be fine.
5. To let Allah in. Honestly, this is the only time in my life where I've spoken to Him the most. Although it's not enough and He deserves more than this but Alhamdulillah, I feel calmer whenever I talked to him about my feelings. I asked Allah to make me have closure with KN and to my surprised, just right after I talked to Allah about it, he replied my text and we talked it out. Although after that things just got worst. Me being me, making mistakes. But Allah heard me, so letting him in was the best decision.
6. That I am a strong. I think I have forgotten how strong I was. So through this break-up, Allah wants to show me that I can stand on my own. I can go through this. I will be fine.
So as of today, I am feeling very grateful.
Thank you for being here with me Allah.
Thank you for not leaving me even when I did.
=)
p/s: it feels like I have a new lover now. teehe~ <3
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