Shutting Down

What does it really mean to move on?
What does it really mean to feel what you feel?
What does it really mean to face your feelings?

If I do face my feelings, it wouldn't look pretty.
It's messy.
It's waking up feeling like you don't want to go through the day,
It's going to work without concentrating,
It's going to be me having trouble sleeping,
It's going to be me ranting, complaining about everything,
taking up people's time to focus on whatever I am feeling,
It's me clinging to people around me,
exhausting them,
burdening them,
to hear every single thoughts I have in mind.

It's messed up.
It's going to be very selfish of me.
To keep on moping around.
Being sad and screaming
"Look at me! I am in pain!"
But truthfully, no one is looking.
Some would come and pat me on the back.
But I know, this fight is within me.
It's my own battle.
No matter how much help I cried out,
how many times I ranted and being sad about it.
only I have the key to make it all stop.

So I am shutting it down.
That love I have for you.
That longing I have for you.
That forever I want with you.
All of it.
I am going to bury it.
Deep enough so it'll decay through time.